and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
