bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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