I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
