I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
