How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
