What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
