and she was petting her beer can
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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