I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
