Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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