Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
