That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
