I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
