3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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