Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
