apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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