he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
