In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
