My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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