ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just had sex bonerless
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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