I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
