i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
