it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
