when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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