I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
