Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
