So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
