Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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