Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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