I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
