you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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