I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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