I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
