So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
