Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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