Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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