i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
