You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
