We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
