just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
