Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize