I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
