I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
