just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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