i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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