I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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