I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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