so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
