Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
