My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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