he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
