My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
