I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
