He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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