I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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