its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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