Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
