yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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