guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
