he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
