i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
