Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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