and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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