I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
