hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
