well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
